It's been awhile since I've done one of these, but my brother and I were just laughing so hard at things people say!
So, I thought I would bring up our vocabulary and questions asked!
My mom is on a personal mission to help people change their language.
(how blessed are we to have parents like ours?!)
So, I thought I would bring that up today!
(Wynne posted a similar post yesterday, with the video! I had this sitting and waiting...guess the video is going viral!)
So, I thought I would bring up our vocabulary and questions asked!
My mom is on a personal mission to help people change their language.
(how blessed are we to have parents like ours?!)
So, I thought I would bring that up today!
(Wynne posted a similar post yesterday, with the video! I had this sitting and waiting...guess the video is going viral!)
Things NOT to say:
1. "Are those your 'real' kids?" Just stop and think about it...not good! Speaking of a child that came into a family through adoption should never be suggested that they are not real.
2. "Is she adopted?" I'm guilty...so guilty of this. Lord, forgive me! If you think they are, keep that to yourself. INSTEAD Say: "You have a beautiful family!" It acknowledges that you see a difference and gives the other person a chance to engage an adoption discussion or not. Sometimes it is obvious. It will be with my girl...or boy. It is also never good to distinguish kids as "the adopted one" or anything similar.
3. "How much did they cost?" My daddy, Dewdaddy, taught me that to ask anyone about their finances is rude. I once asked him how much he makes and was given a 30 minute lecture on how that wasn't my business! So, same goes with adoption. HOWEVER, if you are thinking about adoption and have some question, sit down with a momma/daddy and ask in private (prefaced with "we are thinking about it"). I have already had this asked to me in a very polite way. I knew the family well and was way more honest than I would be about any of my other finances!
Those are the top three. Other adoptive mom reading can give testimony! I found myself the other day asking if a woman was going to have a C-section and then realized "OMG, that is about the rudest question to ask someone!" I quickly followed up with an apology and a horrific "THAT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS...I am so sorry!" It is similar in adoption. Close friends in private can ask certain questions, but others cannot (especially in public).
My husband once asked a family what their son's story was. Why adoption....essentially. He asked this to close friends. Our friend said "We have decided his story is his story and we will let him tell the story someday, if he wants to." I thought "YAH!!!"
So, in conclusion, just think about your language. Be aware and help your other friends and family change their vocabulary! My mom is on a mission to help others have good adoption language! Love her!!
Here is a funny video to sum it all up! Be horrified by the comments or, if you are an adoptive family, laugh and laugh even more! It was so fun watching my sister-in-law watch this video!
1. "Are those your 'real' kids?" Just stop and think about it...not good! Speaking of a child that came into a family through adoption should never be suggested that they are not real.
2. "Is she adopted?" I'm guilty...so guilty of this. Lord, forgive me! If you think they are, keep that to yourself. INSTEAD Say: "You have a beautiful family!" It acknowledges that you see a difference and gives the other person a chance to engage an adoption discussion or not. Sometimes it is obvious. It will be with my girl...or boy. It is also never good to distinguish kids as "the adopted one" or anything similar.
3. "How much did they cost?" My daddy, Dewdaddy, taught me that to ask anyone about their finances is rude. I once asked him how much he makes and was given a 30 minute lecture on how that wasn't my business! So, same goes with adoption. HOWEVER, if you are thinking about adoption and have some question, sit down with a momma/daddy and ask in private (prefaced with "we are thinking about it"). I have already had this asked to me in a very polite way. I knew the family well and was way more honest than I would be about any of my other finances!
Those are the top three. Other adoptive mom reading can give testimony! I found myself the other day asking if a woman was going to have a C-section and then realized "OMG, that is about the rudest question to ask someone!" I quickly followed up with an apology and a horrific "THAT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS...I am so sorry!" It is similar in adoption. Close friends in private can ask certain questions, but others cannot (especially in public).
My husband once asked a family what their son's story was. Why adoption....essentially. He asked this to close friends. Our friend said "We have decided his story is his story and we will let him tell the story someday, if he wants to." I thought "YAH!!!"
So, in conclusion, just think about your language. Be aware and help your other friends and family change their vocabulary! My mom is on a mission to help others have good adoption language! Love her!!
Here is a funny video to sum it all up! Be horrified by the comments or, if you are an adoptive family, laugh and laugh even more! It was so fun watching my sister-in-law watch this video!
So, no one has said anything to me to offend me. I pray for the Lord's grace for the day I have to react to these comments and questions. My social worker actually had us do training on how to respond to people. When to crack a joke, when to answer short, and when to give a good in depth answer. It was called the Conspicuous Family! If you are a soon to be adoptive family, check it out. Really good.
Just be aware! Work now to change your language. We appreciate you spreading the word too!
~Kara
Just be aware! Work now to change your language. We appreciate you spreading the word too!
~Kara
