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To my Issa on Mother's Day

5/10/2015

1 Comment

 
Hey my Issa of Naz...! What a day! Ms. Erin told me to take a few minutes to really grasp the fact that it is my first Mother's Day.  There's a lot you and I don't know about each other right now, but I figure someday we'll be here.  We'll be sitting at this table with two cookies.  You with your milk and me with my fake coffee (aka Coke).  Then we'll talk face to face and giggle together...maybe not this in depth, but our version of it.

Do you know that today is Mother's Day?
It is...you are suppose to be here for me to hold!  Daddy is suppose to sneak you out of bed too early to surprise me in the morning.  Today was suppose to go differently. But, sometimes things don't go the way we planned...you know that more than me, I know!  BUT your friends and daddy have tried to cheer me up today.  Your friend, Hazel, gave me a coffee gift card that the church was giving all the moms.  I'm not sure if I can trade that in for a coke, but you know I'll try! ;) Ms. Andrea, your children's pastor, gave me a big hug.  Ms. Kelley gave me a flower from you.  Your friends, James & Elie, played with me in the nursery. I think they know that, if you were here, you'd be on the floor wrestling and playing catch with me.  So, they filled in for you.  Next year, that will be you and me!

Do you know that sorrow you feel deep inside?  I feel it too!
Oh my sweet lil man!  I worry that you and I are going to have to learn a new normal.  For so long, we have gotten used to that ache, that sorrow in our hearts.  We have learned to live with it.  I am afraid that sometimes it is too comfortable for us. I worry that, when we are finally together, you and I might not know what to do. You see, sometimes we get used to pain in our lives and we don't want to give it up.  I live in the same sorrow that you live in daily.  That cranky ache that steals our joy!  Its there, even when we don't recognize it.  How could we not feel it?  It's not like we are unaware of the pain we've been through. I hope you know that I recognize your pain...I won't brush it away as if it isn't valid.  We will walk that road of healing together. We are going to have to start choosing joy!  Sorrow is okay for a season, but joy comes in the morning, you know?  I pray that, when we are together at last, God will help us navigate joy again!

Today, I am your mother.  We are a mother and son separated by millions of miles and we have no control.  If we did, I'd be sitting next to you in the floor, with cookie crumbs on our faces, hopefully, a couple of smiles, and a new joy in our hearts!

I love you!

Mom
1 Comment
Lauren Houston
5/10/2015 11:34:20 am

What a beautiful letter. You, Josh and Issa are such lucky people. I love your little family and can't wait for you to all be under the same roof.

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